She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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