The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize