summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
