I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
