You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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