The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
