Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
