does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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