I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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