this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
