well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
