end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize