I want to walk on stilts...naked
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
