this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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