I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize