Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
