My cat gives me a boner
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
