would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
