I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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