I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
