Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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