Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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