why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
