Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
