Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
