sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
