News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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