WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
