she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
