Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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