That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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