While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
