at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize