You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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