I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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