She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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