When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was not drunk enough for that final.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
