Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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