Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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