Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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