i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
