You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize