Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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