There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
