Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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