The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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