is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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