Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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