shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
