i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
