New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize