Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
