I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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