So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
