If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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