K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize