I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize