He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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