well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
