If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
