this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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