just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
