I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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