your room smells of hookers.
And success
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
