you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
