I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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