drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize