kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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