she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
