He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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