Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
