i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
