Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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