You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
