That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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